A Mother in Training- Part 5

Competition vs. Cooperation
For our homework this week she has us reading Ezra Taft Bensen’s talk for April Conference of 1989 titled Beware of Pride. Pride, unfortunately, is the universal sin. One thing she said that struck me was the Satan doesn’t care how awesome you think you are or if you wallow in self pity. All he cares about is that you are thinking of yourself. My kids are all really close in age and because of this I have noticed that Kyle and Anne, Anne and Victoria, and sometimes Victoria and Claire are comparing themselves to each other. They tease the younger child if they can’t do something just right. I am finding myself constantly pointing out that they are younger and are still learning how to do those hard things that are easy for the older child because they have had more time practicing. All of this is a form of pride. Thinking that you are better than someone else and you are going to make fun of them. Or if you don’t do a project because you aren’t good at that then that is pride too. Yikes!
If we Eliminate competition then we eliminate contention. Easier said than done, but I want to try and make this one work. I hated growing up being teased and I feel like I am constantly on my my kids not to tease others especially there siblings. One example that I think has been good for my kids is that them and their friends are into calling people weird. This hurts all of their feelings, so when they come crying I tell them that it is good to be weird because that means they are different and Heavenly Father wants us all to be different. Will it work? I hope so. So my question is how do I stop the sibling competition in my home? I am working on giving my kids good encouragement and I think it is helping, but I need to to more. One suggestion was to have the older child mentor the younger one. I am so doing this. Kyle loves to be the best and teases Anne because her spelling and reading is “so easy”, but if I have him sit with her and help her without teasing then I think it might work.
Elder Eyring (love him) gave a great talk this past conference on Unity. I want to use it for a FHE lesson. I think that will be a good time to have our kids do our family mission statement and cheer. One of the things he said was to speak well of each other. A girl in the class said that when she was growing up that her siblings we very close. There wasn’t any competition, but her parents were constantly putting other people around them down. This made them all feel like if they did what Suzzy did then they were bad in the eyes of her parents. Now all her siblings struggle with feeling “worthy” in there parents eyes and it isn’t because they were judging them it was because the kids heard how they judged others. I don’t feel like I say a lot of bad things about people. I try to find the good things to talk about, but I have said things that I am not proud of. I am committing now to talk better about people. I want to stop second guessing peoples motives (I am sure the 95% of the time people have good motives) and just be nice to everyone. I NEED TO BE that example for my kids. I WILL BE that example. I want everyone to know that their name is same with me. I do feel like there are some people that are unhealthy to be around, so if I choose not to be around them is it my pride that is having me decide this or what? Should I keep them in my life in a limited portion or in it no matter what?
Now instilling the spirit of cooperation- she gave us steps on how to do this.
1. Use the language of Love and Faith- I really want to buy that book
2. Positive discipline instead of punishment- I am going to be more creative in my punishment. No more “just go to your rooms” for me. The punishment will fit the crime. (they pee on the bathroom floor then they clean the bathroom.)One thing I really liked- because my kids do this ALL THE TIME- Tattling! Aghh! When they come to you then you stop them and have them say 2 good thing about the person they are tattling on and then let them tell. When they are done say,”I can really see that you are concerned about Kyle, what do you think you should do to help him.”
3. Support each other- Ok, so I have been having Robert take Kyle to soccer while I stay home with the girls. I’m sorry and we will start going and cheering him on. I will bundle the girls up and take them with Robert and Kyle to Rake Up Boise.
4. Serve each other.-If one kid has a project then have the Family help him not just one parent.
5. Create Win-Wins- Have family goals and celebrate together. Her idea was to say that when we as a family finish reading the Book of Mormon then we will get to do spend the night at a hotel and swim in the indoor pool and watch movies. I don’t know if I would do that, but you get the idea of doing something as a family that you would normally do.
6. Eliminate contention. NO put downs
Overall I feel like this was a lesson for me personally and not as a mom. Yes my kids need to learn this as well, but if I am not being the role model then they will never grasp it.