A mother in Training- Part 6

How to use the atonement is your life.

Hmmm… Where do I begin. I feel like I am really putting myself out here with this one. During this lesson Sister Tanner told a lot of stories about herself and others which made me think of my own situations where I have felt Christ’s atonement touch my life, so in respect of her I will not share her stories, but I will my own. At least those that I am willing to put out here for you to read.
The Lord does not take away our trials, but he can fix them, YOU just have to go to HIM. When Robert and I where coming up on our first anniversary we decided that it was a good time to have kids come into our home. Unbeknownst to me, I got pregnant right away. About week 7/8 I was starting to feel really weird. I was at work and I was having a lot of pain while I was sitting. I stuck out the rest of the day and then went home. I was in so much pain. I called our bishop’s wife because she was a nurse and I thought she might help. She told me that I was probably just constipated. That didn’t feel right so then I called Robert’s aunt and she suggested I take a pregnancy test. So I did and it was positive. I was totally beside myself. I found out that I was pregnant and loosing my baby at the same time. I called Robert and he took me to the ER where I miscarried. I don’t think I could describe the empty pain that comes when this happens. Two days later we had our one year anniversary. Robert’s plans had to change because of the situation so that night we had dinner and went to see the movie Testaments at Temple Square. It is such a beautiful film. While watching that film the Holy Ghost testified to me of the love that Christ has for me and that one of purposes of the atonement is to take away this pain and sorrow I was feeling. Instead of feeling empty and cold, I felt like a blanket of Christ’s love was wrapped around me. The world has us think that if we do not wallow in despair over a loss/tragedy then we are heartless, but that is what Satan wants. Satan wants power over us and it is through the little things we do and the feelings we have that he get us. Christ wants us to remember, but to make them happy memories. Using Christ’s atonement will help us with overcoming those sorrow feelings. I testify that it helped me more than once get over those times when I felt so alone.
A lot of times we think that the atonement is for the “big” sins in our lives, which it is, but it needs to be used more for the little things that seem to be building up. Sister Tanner compared it to cleaning a room. The mother had her kids clean the front room and she told them If you are going to miss anything let it be the mess in the center of the room. Why not the baseboards or the corners/ People don’t look at those that much?The center of our rooms are usually very clean. Why is this? Because we are doing things we are supposed to be doing like going to church, temple, doing our calling, but what is in our corners that we aren’t cleaning? Maybe unclean thoughts, self pity, mourning…. L. Tom Perry says to check yourself. Choose the atonement first in your thoughts then serve. Self focus is not the way to heal with the atonement, but service is.
Another thought I had was when Robert and I where celebrating our seventh anniversary (what is with the anniversaries) we decided that it was going to be celebrated as a family that year, so we loaded the kids up for a bike ride and picnic. We had a great time. Later that night we took them to the pool and swam. On our way home from the pool Kyle crashed his bike into Robert’s bike. At first we thought nothing of it and got after him for riding too close to Robert, but then he wouldn’t get up and held his leg and said, “Dad, my skin is open.” Robert rushed over to him and swooped him up, yelling that this was bad and we needed to get him to the ER. I honestly thought he was being sarcastic and laughed at him until he showed me Kyle’s ankle and I saw bone. I lost it. I didn’t know what to do and Robert had to guide me to get the neighbor to drive them because I was in no state to do so. After x-rays, CAT scan, 40 internal-20external stitches, he was sent home to rest for 4 weeks. (I do have pictures if you are interested- they are gross) I was millimeters away from losing my son or having him never walk again. The testing showed that he nicked his tendon and barely missed his artery. It took me those 4 weeks plus some to get over crying over the situation. Coming so close to losing my baby was really ruff. I couldn’t imagine the pain it would have been to have him leave this time with us. I remember around week 4 going to the temple with Robert and sitting in the celestrial room thinking of Kyle. I heard Christ talk to me. It was amazing! He told me that my son would be fine. That he had a lot more to do in his time on earth and I was not to fear. He was watching over him! Again I felt a warm blanket of comfort wrap around me and I knew that Kyle would be fine. President Hinkley said that we must go to the temple because it is our place of peace out of the storm. I am so thankful for the temple and for the guidance and inspiration I receive when I go. I want to go more; I need to go more.
She had us write down 3 blessings in our lives… My family, my friends, the gospel, creative outlets, my list can go on. Then 3 trials… my thoughts of inadequacy, my family, pleasing everyone, this list could go on as well. Now isn’t that something, some of my trials are also my blessings. Isn’t that how it is? We usually don’t become sanctified in times of ease, but we do in times of trial.
In my life I want to use the atonement to its fullest. I will no longer ask Heavenly Father why but what can I do. I will be cleaning me corners. I will serve Heavenly Father through my trials and listen to the Holy Ghost for guidance because I know that doing so will lead me to my blessings. Elder Worthlin said, “Come what may, and Love it!” I say,”bring it on!”
I am so thankful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for his powerful love for me and my family. I know that he knows who I am and loves me as I am.